And by one, I don't mean #1.
I mean, THE one, the one that was sent to you on purpose, with a mission, to prove multiple meanings in your life, and give you in depth knowledge and growth potential.
The one that will make you question every decision, choice, and action you have ever made or done as a parent.
I blame Donny for our "one". He couldn't have been sent to me. How could he have been? In the book of exemplary children, I was the poster child.
It must be Donny's fault. I will blame him.
He must be the one that needs the challenges that this child brings us.
He must be the one that needs to grow and learn and develop attributes and qualities that only a child like this one can challenge in him.
But if that were the case, why do I have to suffer in the process as well?
I mean, come on, if you look at the scale of suffering from 0 -10 and place myself and my two siblings on that scale, we all know where I would fall.
Sorry guys, but you know it is true.
I was, and still am, the Golden Child.
The one that parents dream of having as a child.
The one that reminds parents why they had children to begin with.
That would be me.
I never claimed that I didn't need to learn humility.
But honesty, know that, I have down!
So I'm sure the question you are all dying to have answered is "What has Colin done now?"
What hasn't Colin done now, would be a more encompassing question, but for now, for today, let me tell you about his latest installment of "I was sent here to challenge you".
Appropriately named, STOP is the in-school suspension program at my kids' elementary school. I don't know if it stands for anything, but I figured it out, the hidden meaning -
Students That Oppose Parenting
It is a secret cult. But I got their number! Oh yeah, I'm on to those kids.
Colin spent a whole day in STOP last week. He's lucky it was only one day.
And for what could he have done to deserve such action?
Well, let me give you a few hints:
1. Have you ever misplaced something in your house, even though you know exactly where you put it, but suddenly, it is just gone, like, say, umm, I don't know, a $20 bill?
2. And when you offer a bribe to the child that is first to find said misplaced item, he always come running right away with it, and you just marvel at his good fortune and excellent hunting skills?
3. Does your child often find himself the lucky recipient of unexpected and, more importantly, unexplainable, knick knacks, odds-n-ends, or even better, "Jimbob gave this to me" gifts, especially when he comes home from school or playing at a friend's house, like, umm, let's see, new Pokemon cards or super cool Hot Wheels?
4. Do you find your child's backpack to often contain merchandise that you know was not purchased by yourself, but yet, according to your child, belongs to him, like, umm, how about a brand new box of erasers?
Figured out his problem?
Another hint - He needs his hands washed. They are very sticky.
Very, Very Sticky
You got it now right?
My son is a kleptomaniac.
What? It is a disease.
And the kid needs help.