Where for art thou, Edward

Dear Edward, my beloved vampire,

Where are you when I need you?

I know you are off somewhere right now making the New Moon movie, which in all practicality means you should be somewhere other than in Forks with that lucky Bella. Maybe you are in South America. Please tell me you have not already left for Italy. I shudder at the thought.

But if you are reading this, please come.

Immediately.

I NEED YOU.

DESPERATELY

I have a need that only you can take care of for me.

You see, I have worked so hard to plant this beautiful garden.


Everything is growing so nicely.

I know you have no use for food, but us humans, we do.

And nothing is better than fresh veggies from the garden.

At least to us humans anyway.

I can almost taste my peas on my tongue.

And smell my eggplant cooking.

It won't be long, but only if you come.

Without you, there won't be anything left soon.

Make sure you come hungry.

The tracks look like it's at least two nice sized deer.

They think they can just help themselves to my labors.

But I have other plans for them.

That is where you come in.

My husband is of no use to me for this situation.

He is too concerned with laws and going to jail.

But not you, I know you can handle this easily.

In the meantime, I have a substitute standing guard.


I don't know how long he will hold off the moochers.

So please come,

SOON!

I'll be waiting.